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Questions about childhood

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Childhood memories are stored by place, smell and routine rather than by date. That is why "What was your childhood like?" gets a shrug, while "What did your kitchen smell like on Saturday morning?" can get twenty minutes. The questions here move through the rooms and streets of someone's early years. They work for parents, grandparents or anyone else whose story you want to keep, including you. Move slowly. When something lands, stay there and use the follow-up. Not all childhoods were happy, so if someone steers away from a subject, let them. A quiet change of topic is an answer too.

The house

Ask them to walk you through it, room by room. The details come out as they go.

  1. If you walk in the front door of your childhood home, what do you see?
    Follow-up: What is on the walls?
  2. Where did you sleep?
    Follow-up: What could you hear from your bed?
  3. Which room were you not allowed in?
    Follow-up: Did you go in anyway?
  4. Where did you hide when you wanted to be alone?
    Follow-up: What did you do there?
  5. What did the kitchen smell like?
    Follow-up: Who was usually cooking?
  6. What was outside your window?
    Follow-up: Is it still there?
  7. Which object from that house would you keep if you could?
    Follow-up: Where is it now?

The people in it

Who was there every day? Names and small habits matter here.

  1. Who woke you up in the morning?
    Follow-up: What did they say?
  2. Which brother, sister or cousin were you closest to?
    Follow-up: What did you fight over?
  3. Which grown-up was kind to you?
    Follow-up: What did they do?
  4. Which adult were you afraid of?
    Follow-up: Why?
  5. Who was the funny one in the family?
    Follow-up: What is one joke or trick you remember?
  6. Who came to visit, and what changed when they did?
    Follow-up: What did they bring?
  7. Who lived next door?
    Follow-up: What did the neighbors say about them?

School

Teachers and classmates stay in memory for decades. Ask for names.

  1. What was your first school like?
    Follow-up: How did you get there?
  2. Which teacher do you remember most?
    Follow-up: What did they say to you?
  3. Where did you sit at lunch?
    Follow-up: What was in your lunch?
  4. What did you get in trouble for?
    Follow-up: What happened when you got home?
  5. What were you good at without trying?
    Follow-up: Who noticed?
  6. Who got picked on?
    Follow-up: What did you do about it?
  7. What did you pretend to understand?
    Follow-up: When did you finally get it?

Play and summer

The long days. Ask what they did when nobody was watching.

  1. What did you play that kids don't play now?
    Follow-up: What were the rules?
  2. Where was the best place to ride a bike?
    Follow-up: How far were you allowed to go?
  3. What was your favorite toy?
    Follow-up: What happened to it?
  4. Did you have a pet?
    Follow-up: How did you get it?
  5. What did summer taste like?
    Follow-up: Where did it come from?
  6. What was the most dangerous thing you did for fun?
    Follow-up: Did anyone ever find out?
  7. What did you make or build as a kid?
    Follow-up: Who helped you?

Holidays and food

Food opens memory better than almost anything else.

  1. What did your family eat on the biggest holiday of the year?
    Follow-up: Who made it?
  2. What was the best present you ever got as a kid?
    Follow-up: Who gave it to you?
  3. What meal did you hate?
    Follow-up: Did you have to finish it?
  4. What did birthdays look like in your house?
    Follow-up: Which one do you remember best?
  5. What was a treat in your family?
    Follow-up: How often did you get it?
  6. Where did your family go on a trip?
    Follow-up: What went wrong?
  7. What smell takes you straight back?
    Follow-up: Where does it take you?

Harder memories

Only if they want to. Offer the question, and let them decline.

  1. What worried you as a child?
    Follow-up: Did you tell anyone?
  2. Did your family ever have to move?
    Follow-up: What did you leave behind?
  3. When did you first understand money was tight?
    Follow-up: What did you notice?
  4. Who was the first person you lost?
    Follow-up: How did you hear about it?
  5. What did grown-ups stop talking about when you walked in?
    Follow-up: When did you find out?
  6. What did you have to do too young?
    Follow-up: Who should have done it?
  7. What do you wish someone had told you back then?
    Follow-up: Who would you have wanted to hear it from?

Before you sit down

A good way into childhood memories is a sketch. Ask the person to draw the floor plan of the house they grew up in, or the street outside, and to talk as they draw. People who say they remember nothing will start naming rooms, neighbors and pets within a few minutes.

Senses work better than dates. Instead of asking what happened in a given year, ask what the school hallway smelled like, what song was on the radio in the car, or what it felt like to walk barefoot on the back steps. Keep the questions small, and stay with whichever one brings a reaction. A dish from their childhood kitchen, a song they once sang in school or the feel of an old coat can bring back an entire year. If you can, cook something they ate as a child and ask about it at the table. Taste and smell often reach memories that a direct question cannot, and the conversation that follows tends to be easier and more relaxed for everybody.

Use these with care. For some people childhood was not a happy time, and going back can bring up more than they expected. Tell them they can skip anything. If they get upset, stop asking, stay with them and let them decide what comes next. Afterward, check in with them the next day. Old memories can stay close for a while, and a short phone call means more than you might think.

Three common mistakes

  • Asking too much at once. Two questions in one sentence get half an answer. Ask one, then wait.
  • Asking over a bad phone line. People give short answers when they can't hear you well or can't see your face. Sit down together, or use a clear connection and a quiet room.
  • Rushing to correct them. If a date is wrong, let it go. Stop someone to fix a detail and they stop telling the story. Check facts later.

Download the cheat sheet

Every question and follow-up from this page on a PDF you can print. Keep it folded in a pocket, or leave it on the table during a visit.

Common questions

What are good questions about childhood?

Good childhood questions point to a place or a routine, such as what the kitchen smelled like or who woke you up, rather than asking what childhood was like in general.

How do I help someone remember their childhood?

Ask them to walk through the house room by room, and use photos or familiar food. Memory comes back through places and senses.

What if their childhood was difficult?

Let them choose what to share. If they change the subject, follow them and don't come back to it unless they do.

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