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Questions to ask your grandparents

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Your grandparents remember a world that is hard to picture now: what things cost, how people got around, who lived next door and what happened to them. They also remember your parents as children, and those stories get told less often than you would think. This guide has a section for grandma and a section for grandpa, plus four sections for either of them. Start with something easy that they enjoy talking about, like the house they grew up in. If they are hard of hearing, write the question on a card. Bring a photo if you can. An old picture will often do more than any question.

Questions for grandma

Ask what her days were really like. She may be surprised anyone wants to know.

  1. What did your kitchen look like when you first kept house?
    Follow-up: What did you cook most?
  2. Who taught you to sew, cook or fix things?
    Follow-up: What was their teaching style?
  3. What did girls your age get told they couldn't do?
    Follow-up: Did you do it anyway?
  4. What did you wear to your first dance?
    Follow-up: Who asked you to dance?
  5. How did you meet grandpa?
    Follow-up: What made you say yes?
  6. What did you do when money ran short?
    Follow-up: Who did you trade with or borrow from?
  7. Which of your recipes should never be lost?
    Follow-up: Can you walk me through it?

Questions for grandpa

Many grandfathers open up when you ask how something worked. Start with tools, cars or jobs.

  1. What was your first job?
    Follow-up: What did your boss teach you?
  2. What could you fix with your own hands?
    Follow-up: Who showed you how?
  3. Did you serve in the military, and where?
    Follow-up: Who was your closest friend there?
  4. What was the first car you owned?
    Follow-up: Where did you drive it?
  5. How did you meet grandma?
    Follow-up: What did you do to impress her?
  6. What did your own father teach you without saying a word?
    Follow-up: When did you realize it?
  7. What is the biggest thing you ever built or made?
    Follow-up: Is it still there?

Growing up back then

Ask about prices, chores and streets. These details become more valuable every year.

  1. What did a candy bar cost when you were a kid?
    Follow-up: Where did you buy it?
  2. How did you get to school?
    Follow-up: Who did you walk with?
  3. What chores did you have?
    Follow-up: What happened if you skipped them?
  4. What did you do for fun without a TV or phone?
    Follow-up: Who was the leader of your group?
  5. What was the first movie you remember seeing?
    Follow-up: Who took you?
  6. What did your town look like?
    Follow-up: What is gone now?
  7. What did you eat for dinner on a normal night?
    Follow-up: Who sat where at the table?

What my mom or dad was like

Grandparents hold stories about your parents that your parents would never tell.

  1. What was my mom or dad like as a baby?
    Follow-up: What made them laugh?
  2. What trouble did they get into?
    Follow-up: How did you find out?
  3. What were they afraid of as a child?
    Follow-up: What did you do about it?
  4. What did you think when they brought home their future spouse?
    Follow-up: Did you say so?
  5. What do I do that reminds you of them?
    Follow-up: At what age did they do that?
  6. What was the proudest you ever felt of them?
    Follow-up: Did they know?
  7. What did you worry about most with them?
    Follow-up: How did it turn out?

History they lived through

Skip the textbook. Ask where they were standing and who was with them.

  1. What world event do you remember most clearly?
    Follow-up: Where were you when you heard?
  2. What was your family's first TV like?
    Follow-up: Who came over to watch?
  3. What changed the most in your lifetime?
    Follow-up: What did you think when it first arrived?
  4. What was hard about those years that people forget?
    Follow-up: How did your family get by?
  5. What do you remember about the moon landing or a big election?
    Follow-up: What did people say about it?
  6. What did your parents tell you about their own hard times?
    Follow-up: What did they leave out?
  7. What do young people today not understand about back then?
    Follow-up: What is one example?

What they have learned

Ask for a story with each piece of advice. The story is what people remember.

  1. What is the best advice you ever got?
    Follow-up: Who gave it to you, and when?
  2. What do you know now that you wish you'd known at my age?
    Follow-up: What would you have done differently?
  3. What makes a good marriage?
    Follow-up: When did you see that yourself?
  4. What are you still curious about?
    Follow-up: What would you try if you could?
  5. What was the happiest year of your life?
    Follow-up: What was a typical day that year?
  6. What do you hope for me?
    Follow-up: Where does that come from?
  7. What should we make sure the great-grandchildren know?
    Follow-up: What is the story that goes with it?

Before you sit down

Keep the first session short, about twenty minutes, and go at the time of day they have the most energy. Sit close, on their better-hearing side if they have one, and turn off the television. If you're bringing children, give each one a single question to ask. Grandparents will happily answer a seven-year-old in far more detail than an adult.

Old photographs do a lot of the work. Spread a few out and ask who is in each one, then write the names on the back. Objects work too: a medal, a recipe card, a tool from the garage. Ask where it came from, and you'll often get a story nobody in the family has heard.

If a grandparent repeats a story you've heard many times, let them tell it. Listen for one new detail and ask about that. And if they've forgotten something, don't test them. Move on to something they can enjoy remembering.

Three common mistakes

  • Asking too much at once. Two questions in one sentence get half an answer. Ask one, then wait.
  • Asking over a bad phone line. People give short answers when they can't hear you well or can't see your face. Sit down together, or use a clear connection and a quiet room.
  • Rushing to correct them. If a date is wrong, let it go. Stop someone to fix a detail and they stop telling the story. Check facts later.

Download the cheat sheet

Every question and follow-up from this page on a PDF you can print. Keep it folded in a pocket, or leave it on the table during a visit.

Common questions

What questions should I ask my grandma?

Ask about her kitchen, who taught her things, how she met your grandfather and what your parent was like as a child. Specific questions bring back more than general ones.

What should I ask my grandpa?

Start with his first job, his first car or what he could fix. Many grandfathers find it easier to talk about how things worked, and stories follow from there.

What if my grandparent has memory problems?

Older memories often stay clearer than recent ones. Bring old photos, keep sessions short, and don't correct them. Enjoy whatever comes.

Would you rather not do the asking? Start a free interview. You send a link, the AI asks the questions and follows up on what they say, and you keep the recording and a written story. The first ten minutes are free, and they don't need an app.